“naobsess po ako” – huwag sayangin ang pinaghirapan sa NZ (part 1)

some NSFW and adult themes in this blog post! for Taglish phrases, helpful translations (not literal ones) follow immediately in parentheses, thanks for reading! BEFORE WE LEFT FOR NEW ZEALAND on an unexpected journey a little over 10 years ago, nausong pagusapan  mga pasaway na ginagawa ng kabataan sa mga inuman nila. (it became trendy to talk about dodgy things young people did). Almost every month we would hear of an anecdote about people carrying half-drunk, half-unconscious women home from bars and raves around Metro Manila, too intoxicated to go home on their own. Whether or not these helpless women were actually brought home, or were at the tender mercies of their apparent knights in shining armor, no one ever knew. All we knew was, some if not most of these good Samaritans all-too-often succumbed to the opportunity of taking advantage of those they helped, who ended up getting sexually assaulted for sure, but too embarrassed to bring their predators to justice. We learned two things from this social phenomena back home, the equivalent of  date rape or opportunistic sexual assault. First, a surprising number of young Filipinos (almost all male) have no qualms using alcohol to stupefy, sedate and subdue members of the opposite sex for their dark deeds. Sure, females share some of the blame but to take sexual advantage of a woman in this manner is truly a despicable, evil act. Second, because of the Maria Clara or dalagang Pilipina (Filipina maiden) culture critical of anything less than the traditional “proper” behavior of Filipinas (chasteness, morality, etc) very few of these cases of date rape made it to the courts. My guess is, outraged as they were from their assault, women would still rather suffer in silence than endure the scrutiny and silent judgment of the community. **** ***** ***** Left unsaid here is, Pinoy men are no more virtuous than their counterparts of any other race when given access to sex. Whether or not it’s a fair generalization, the Precious Reader knows we have no motives other than to discuss Pinoy licentiousness or lewdness (kahalayan) in the migrant setting. It seems we Pinoys have brought our bad habits to New Zealand. We are hardworking, team players and family oriented. The only thing is, we have had a little more than our share of naughty offenders when given the chance. What do we mean? No less than three kabayan have been convicted on cases of sex and sex-related crimes in the last two years. you’ll probably want to be spared the details (it’s all on Google for the curious), but they are similar in one respect : besides the sexual nature and perversion, in  two out of three crimes proven, there was the opportunity or access by chance. (The third Pinoy had sex with a minor too young to give consent.)  If not for the fact that coincidence brought predator and victim together, the crime would never have been committed. ***** ***** ***** Which brings us to our point. Pinoys have invested too much time, energy, skills and hard-earned money to get to New Zealand, just to waste it all because of one ill-advised, lustful act. Consider please the following: When you commit a sex crime, it’s not just against the victim but also against the community. The nature of your crime is an offense not just against your victim but each member of the community, which as a whole promotes decency and respect. In time, the victim may or may not forgive you, but the outrage or offense to good morals will be a permanent stain on your record kabayan. And that’s why any form of reparations or payment to the victim isn’t enough, and imprisonment is the proper punishment. Even more profound a punishment than imprisonment is deportation. But what about after imprisonment? Kulang pa ang parusa at higit pa sa bilanggo ng nahatulan dahil sa ilang saglit ng kaligayahan, because the supreme punishment of being returned to the Philippines is reserved for those who aren’t yet citizens of New Zealand. Imagine:  after investing so much time, effort, energy and skills towards fulfilling the dream of living permanently in New Zealand, such dream is taken away. This is the very real consequence of sex crimes because New Zealand immigration law provides for deportation of the offender when the crime is serious enough. You undo all the hard work you’ve done all those years. And for what? for a few moments of pleasure, if you can call it that. The effect of your crime affects not just you but your family, extended family for at least this and the next generation. In one of the cases decided on this year, not just the convicted offender but his entire immediate family was sent home. The lost chances, potential incomes and even the missed educational opportunities are incalculable. All because, as mentioned above, of a single mistake. The far-reaching consequences of one misguided act cannot be overstated. Effect on the Filipino community. It’s sad to state the reality, but an act of one often characterizes his race and community. Unfairly, human nature stereotypes or generalizes an action, especially a negative action, so that all persons of similar race or community are assumed to act the same way. How outrageous is that? Such a generalization is so ridiculous it defies explanation, but we’ll try to describe it. If members of a certain race are known as alcoholics or drug abusers, then the employment prospects of everyone in that group is imperiled as businesses don’t like hiring undependable workers, and alcoholics and drug users are typically undependable. And just like that, the job prospects of an entire ethnicity suffers. The reality is a little more complicated, but you get the idea kabayan. Have one offender from a particular community, that’s a one-off or outlier. Two, a super coincidence, but still acceptable within the realm of possibility. But three? Three offenders of the same nature, from the same community? Hard to defend, kabayan. ***** ***** ***** In his defense, one of our kabayan rationalized his behavior when asked why he violated his victim. “Naobsess po ako” (I got obsessed), he said, hoping for some mercy or forgiveness (which by the way he didn’t get from the victim). We see in this an admission that not only us Pinoys but all humans are inherently weak against temptations of the flesh. It should be part of our preparation to resist this temptation, our persistence in being the best versions of ourselves at all times, and our humble reliance on the Divine Creator to give us strength in the Land of the Long White Cloud. Thanks for reading, mabuhay!